Places

Seoul, South Korea


Paris, France


New York City

C'est La Vie

We are struck down on every side, drowning in our emotions and shame, growing faint in heart and beat down...C'est la vie.

Whenever I'm brought to this point, it makes me wonder if it's worth pursuing and whatever happened to my self-worth. The ebb and flow of the constant emotional tide we all feel at times weighs heavy on my shoulders today. I grow tired of feeling the same pain, burdens, and sadness. Does it ever feel like you're trying harder than you ought to, but everything only causes a slight dent in the situation? 

There's a poem the internet claims originated from Mother Teresa, titled "Do It Anyway." It's carries a powerful message. The overall idea is clear: do your best regardless of people's responses. I love that.

Do It Anyway by Mother Teresa 

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

There's a similar passage in the Bible where Paul addresses the church of Colossians. He writes in verse 22:

Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

Anyway, I realize that every step of a journey people will critique, disapprove, suggest, and much more. But, somewhere along the way people will appreciate, compliment, encourage the things you do. It'll lift your heart! But know that it'll be only a moment before another disapproval comes your way. So live for your own purpose, belief, vision, and don't let other's views of your life lead you astray. We can't live to please everyone - because then, you may have pleased some, but you wouldn't have pleased yourself.

"If you live off a man's compliments, you'll die from his criticism."

Mamma Mia! Monday

This morning was one of the worst morning commutes I've had. Two of my top fears simultaneously occurred in the span of 2 hours: being terribly late and being lost in direction.

The night before, I forget to charge my phone, leaving the device at a mere 5% battery by the time I left home. About halfway to my destination, I double check my Google Maps only to find a dead black screen. Oh no. Here we go again.

Of course, I forget which exit I need to get off, and I get off at the next immediate exit. I turn into the closest gas station (I despise you rude 76 cashier lady), and try to ask anyone who'll help me with directions. No luck. (Well, I did find a man who only spoke Spanish and didn't know how to work his Maps app.) Tears start rolling. I have 10 minutes till my clock-in deadline of 8:30am. I crouch and just breathe in the cold air. Why do I live so far?

Not time for wailing just yet. I get back up and start driving. The next stop turns out to be ARCO. I approach the only person who is there, which is the cashier guy. He speaks limited english and doesn't have a phone, but he can sell me an iPhone charger. Better than nothing, right? I take it without hesitation.

Feeling more hopeful, I rip open the charger package (well, had to run back for help because it was so stubborn!) and my phone turns back on. Hoorah? Sigh...I wish this was the closure to a happy ending.

It charges just 5% before it dies again. Damn crappy gas station chargers! I should've known. I pull over and turn on my emergency lights. I do nothing for 5 minutes (wait for charger to resurrect) then head over to another gas station (do I ever learn?).

I ask around for directions, but no one knows where the hell this is. I'm thinking "where are all the local residents?!" Anyway, I get back into my car and see a young man walking his dog. He has to be a local, so I pull over and ask if he can help me find directions. HE KNOWS WHERE WE ARE. I follow his lead, get on the fwy, pray that I can recognize my exit this time, and get to work 45 minutes past on-time.

Thank God for grace at my office.

And that's my Day 6 story at the new company. To better days ahead!

x Sola

Wave After Wave

Your praise will ever be on my lips,
ever be on my lips...

This is from the depths of my heart. I'm stuck on these lyrics from How He Loves:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Even when I rejected him and turned from his ways, he pursued me ferociously, because his love surpasses anything I've known. It chokes me up to think about how much it must have hurt to watch his beloved run away from him, turn in disbelief of all he's done, drown in shame and guilt, and conclude I could do better on my own.

This all sounds cliche, but I can't deny it. Has the world ever known a lover who embodies perfect peace, love, endless grace and everything in between? Does anyone come close to the way God loves and cares for us? Looking at myself, my long-term devoted parents, the most chivalrous man on the planet - no one dares to come close to my living God.

It was God who sent my family to speak truth and kindness into me when I needed support, not judgement.
It was God who carefully planned each step of my life, so that I would eventually praise His name.
It is God who heals my aching heart, although I often get swallowed up in the pain of my own mistakes and past feelings at times.
It is God who holds me tightly, as I face the unknown of marriage and commitment.
It is God who is shaping and chiseling our character, as we learn to deal with one another's differences and weaknesses... it's hard, but so rewarding and worth every step. I think this one's going to be a life-long process!

All in all, I'm trying to wrap my head around all the incredible people and events surrounding my life. Six months ago, I saw myself in an entirely different place than where I am. I guess we never know where life takes us, and we're not always aware of all the big and small things He's doing in our lives. As for me, I'm caught in the mystery of his unraveling plan for me! I look back and I'm amazed at the beauty of his perfect plan.

I want to learn to be joyful, to the depths of my soul, because I have a savior I can hold fast to anytime, in whatever season, for all the days of my life.

x Sola

Oceans by Seafret

I want you

Yeah I want you

And nothing comes close

To the way that I need you

I wish I can feel your skin

And I want you

From somewhere within

It feels like there's oceans

Between me and you once again

We hide our emotions

Under the surface and tryin' to pretend

But it feels like there's oceans 

Between you and me

I want you

And I always will

I wish I was worth

But I know what you deserve

You know I'd rather drown

Than to go on without you

But you're pulling me down

It feels like there's oceans

Between you and me once again

We hide our emotions

Under the surface and try to pretend

But it feels like there's oceans 

Between you and me

I want you

I want you

And always will

It feels like there's oceans

Between you and me

Aspirations

I need to keep reminding myself that dreams don't happen overnight. Just take the next step, take it one step at a time. What am I doing right now that leads to where I want to be? Am I so consumed with the comfort of "now" that I've forgotten about the bigger things that lie ahead? I can't help but notice that the deeper I fall into this way of thinking, the fire within me slowly weakens. 

I need to reignite my passions - before it's all gone!

A Letter

Sally!

Do what you want to do. You can't always please everyone. In the end, those who support you will support you no matter what choice you make. And let's say you give into the pressure of other people's advice, and you make a decision that wasn't 100% from your heart. Who do you have to blame but yourself? It's your life and your decision to make. 

So don't think about the others, and go with what's within you. 

I'm always here for you. I love you.

Ben Howard Live

October 7, 2015 - Ben Howard live at the Greek Theater

There is something special about live performances. There's a definitive exchange of communication that occurs between the performer and the crowd, making it something beyond a sit down film or show. It's a kind of storytelling, heart-opening, and interactive environment. 

Ben Howard's performance was overall dark and filled with immense sorrow. I'm not going to lie, coming from a place of vulnerability, it tipped me over the edge. I felt so distraught after the concert, like someone had pestered my soul with sad darkness until it finally gave in. I hated the way it made me feel, but in an odd way it amused me.

Sights of LA: High bridges above cross roads, park avenues lit up by lampposts, small gardens growing in street corners, and rushing water lined up along the borders of the local park. So much beauty and history lies within these few miles encompassing City Hall. 

 October 10-12, 2015 - Hermosa Beach, California

I'll never understand the beauty of how the sky, sun, sea, shore, and sand simultaneously kiss one another for such a pretty sight.

October 17-18, 2015 - Santa Barbara, California

I'll always have a special place in my heart for Santa Barbara. It's the place where I discovered new sides to myself, learned life lessons, and made sweet memories. Each time I'm here, nature surrounds me and enthralls me completely.

^ Santa Barbara coast, seen from the hills P.O.V. at the Goleta Butterfly Preserve cliffs

My heart is filled with wonderful sights and memories. Till the next one.

Vinegar and Oil by Jane Hirshfield

Wrong solitude vinegars the soul,
right solitude oils it.

How fragile we are, between the few good moments.

Coming and going unfinished,
puzzled by fate,

like the half-carved relief
of a fallen donkey, above a church door in Finland.

- Original post on The Atlantic.

The One Who Hears

It's a long, sorrowful night. I feel as though I've lost grip on my life's centerpieces. My eyes are swelling and my heart is faint. In the dark I cry out to You.

Stay Gold

"There's something about you - I can't exactly say, but I know you're different from other girls. You have something within you that others don't have. And I think you need to realize that that's something special. When the world makes you feel like you need to change, to be more like them, don't fall for that. Don't ever change. If you remember anything from tonight, remember to stay gold."